[English Final] Empty Crossroad

    I removed my hands from the sword and walked away from her corpse before I began to silently cry. For ten years, I struggled with poverty and ended up making a promise. I had to fight, and I fought and fought in this dreadful war with both my comrades and my promise which kept me going… and then… she forgets our promise to end all of it. Paige was now a part of the Lionheart family that declared war for heaven's sake and she was the one who became the head of the family! She had the opportunity to give up on continuing the fight a long time ago, but she didn't and instead wanted revenge for her 'beloved daddy' who died. We made a promise to end the war and the suffering most had to endure, but it seems apparent that I was the only one who tried so hard.

    “Whoa—is she dead?” General Rickshaw had interrupted my thoughts with that question as he swiped her crown and placed it atop of his head as he grinned victoriously. “Good job, soldier; with this, the war's now officially over!” he cheered in his gruff voice, but I felt nothing other than exhaustion. This was a victory for us, but for me it certainly didn't feel like one.

    For the rest of that short time in the aftermath, I was stuck in a daze-like trance, just wandering around the vicinity as everyone cheered. People all around were crying with joy; rejoicing in the fact that the war was now over. It was all a blur to me, but I couldn't possibly forget how happy everyone was, now that the horrors of war had ended. Some called me a revolutionary hero, others thanked me and respected me. Frankly, I wasn't used to all of this since I was treated like a street rat filled with thievery during my childhood… but the past was the past. It was time to finally move forward.

    At one point I did consider returning home to the orphanage back in Central, but then I thought of my little sister, Naida. Everyone back at home knows that she hates me for abandoning her to fight in the war; Naida even went so far as to stop me and demand that I chose between her and the war before I was sent back to the frontlines… I think it's fairly obvious what I chose, since I was the one who ended the war. Right now, I guess I'm relieved about one thing: she can safely grow up in this society with the war now over.

    News of Central's victory had been spreading throughout the island, and with it, came an inevitable change. They wanted me to become the island's leader because the person in charge died during the war. Everyone seemed relentless, claiming that the young woman who caused the 'Lionheart Massacre' was strong enough to take over the island. Personally, in my honest opinion, everyone didn't seem to want to be held responsible for what would happen next. Maybe I was scared of that sort of responsibility, revolutionary hero or not.

    “I see you've reached your decision, Allegri?” the blonde woman smiled solemnly.

    “Oh… Mirage…” With a moment’s hesitation, I then made my decision. “Yes… I have, actually,” I spoke with a clear tone of voice. “I’m leaving and I don’t intend on returning. Please take care of my little sister, and thank you for all that you’ve done for me in recent years.”

    “Is that so…” she then patted me on the back. “Just remember, you’re always welcome here, and be sure to send an occasional letter or two, alright?” I couldn’t reject her request.

    Aurora Mirage was a friend of the deceased leader and she was the one who planted the idea of joining the army in my head. So I had to wonder: why wasn't I angry at her? Was it because there would be no point in it? I knew that I desperately wanted to blame her for everything I went through… but we both knew that it was ultimately my decision. With my blood-stained hands, I knew that it was all my fault.

    For days, I wandered around the island, then stayed for several months before moving elsewhere, but I still kept my word on not going back despite sending an occasional letter. It seemed so weird now that the streets were cleaned up, almost as if people were now steadily living in ignorant bliss. Here, I was treated almost as if I were some sort of fragile object. “What's broken?” “Is something missing?” “Where's your family?” “Do you need medical assistance?” “If you need any help then don't be shy and ask us, alright?” Although maybe that might've been because I had a mechanical arm now—but still, it felt odd. Then again, turning from a street rat to a war ‘hero’ was pretty weird as it is.

    I never really kept track of how many seasons changed until I reached the Greenbriar Inn on the road from West district to North, because they were celebrating the fifth year anniversary. Solemnly, they informed me that Amethyst Allegri was assumed to have died after the war. They named the war hero after a gemstone because she was only known by her surname; no wonder nobody knew me when I gave them my actual name. From there, I found out that five years had passed since the war had ended; my sister must've been eighteen by now. Would it be too late to go see her; to hug her and cry and to apologize after all this time? I felt like it was; there's no way I would be forgiven… yet here I was, on this third floor bedroom, with it's tacky blue wallpaper of a simple white bird. Perhaps it was just me, but with the way it looked, it seemed almost as if that bird had been trying to fly up to it's freedom and the green vines painted on were pulling it back. A dark, cynical thought, but at the same time it really did feel as if the birds still had hope: they could still fly high up into the sky.

    I looked out the window; standing rather awkwardly no thanks to the heater right beneath the window. It was annoying, but the sight seemed lovely with how the sun was setting. The colors of blue and purple seemed to mix together—much like paint—and dyed with a hint of orange. For once, I opened the window and in came autumn's chilly atmosphere. I smiled lightly as I leaned against the windowsill as goosebumps formed, remembering the time that Naida would cling to me for warmth on an autumn day like this, or that other time when my cute little sister would repeatedly say my name just to try to get on my nerves; she was such a brat, but I loved her. You know, people say that happy memories are a good thing… but I'm crying… am I supposed to be feeling this sad…?

    A week had gone by, and here I am, standing in front of Paige Lionheart's grave after those five years. I didn't know what to say; after years of seeing her death as a good thing, I don’t regret killing a Lionheart… but I do regret killing my first friend, Paige; I regret not trying to save our friendship. Yes, I know that war is war and it won't stop until it's down to you and them… it's sad, but it’s reality. Yet in this lonely world, I had to wonder: was it worth it? For once, I realize that it truly wasn't. No one should ever be left alone… not even me.

    “I… you probably don't want to see my face, if you could see me now, I mean… well, I killed most of the Lionheart family so… it's sort of expected,” I murmured; it felt all too awkward, talking out loud—and to a gravestone no less—but if, and only if, the afterlife existed, there wouldn't be a way for her to hear me if I said it all in my head, right? Then again, I might just be deluding myself… regardless, I need to say something… anything. “An empty apology isn't worth giving, so I won't apologize to you… but I felt that as a form of redemption for killing you, I wouldn't see my little sister; that I didn't deserve to see her or talk to her since I realize now that… I’m a murderer. For five years, I wasted my life in mourning and I only now realize that there was no point in isolating myself. I thought about my sister, day after day… and I've seen people lose their family, lovers, and friends… houses, pets, and jobs… but me? I still have family, I still have some of my friends living in the orphanage, I've never fallen in love before and I'm a freelancer, I move around and work on odd jobs. Even though my luck stinks, I'm still young. I still have several chances while others don't… and… I don't know what I wanted to say, especially to you because it'd just feel like empty words… but whether I'm the Katrina Allegri you know—or the supposed ‘war hero’ that everyone claims to know—it doesn't matter anymore. Paige… I can’t live in the past; it’s not where I belong and it never was.”

    Time and time again, I see people gather the courage to continue on or stay and wallow in their own self-pity. Only now, I realize that I was a part of the latter… but I can't stay this way, living everyday with regret of leaving my little sister—I need to change and move on with life. The human mind can be difficult to comprehend… with how some people do the opposite of what they want, thinking that they should go through with it and stick to it… but then they regret. Yes, I've helped many along the way, I've seen and met different sorts of people… yet nothing could compare to seeing my little sister smiling like she used to. I know I'll apologize a lot, Naida will get angry, and then I’ll hug her while crying… then maybe she’ll start crying too. When we get to the orphanage, we'll throw a big party. Mickey can cling onto me, calling me 'big sis’ or  ‘Kitty Kat' all energetically like she used to and we’d make this pillow fort and talk until someone comes along and drags me away to talk to me about what’s changed or not. No doubt I'll argue with Mirage about which ingredient to use in a certain recipe, and after all of that, I’ll be able to sleep peacefully for the first time in five years. Maybe my imagination won't be the same as the reality… but so what? In the end, I can't help but feel warm at the thought.

My decision had been made—I was finally going home.